Here’s a statement guaranteed to start arguments at family reunions, church potlucks, and at least one Buc-ee’s fuel parking lot:
Not all of Texas is Southern.
Texas is enormous.
It’s like four states duct-taped together with a cowboy belt buckle.
And somewhere along the way, Texans collectively decided their entire 268,000 square miles counts as “the South.”
But… do they really?
Let’s take a tour.
East Texas: The Only Ones Allowed to Say “Y’all” Without Irony
East Texas is the South.
Pine trees, humidity, sweet tea thicker than molasses, and at least one aunt who still says, “Y’all behave now.”
This is basically Louisiana with slightly better plumbing.
If you’re from here, congratulations — you’re Southern.
This is the only part of Texas where you can say, “Bless your heart,” and people know it’s a threat.
Central Texas: Southern? No. Just… Vibing
Austin isn’t Southern. Austin is Texas-Californian-Hipster Fusion.
Ask for sweet tea in Austin, and they stare at you like you just asked where the non-organic produce section is.
And the rest of Central Texas?
It’s mostly people deciding whether they’re cowboy, tech bro, or barbecue influencer.
Bless their hearts — they’re trying.
West Texas: A Beautiful Post-Apocalyptic Mood Board
West Texas is not the South.
It’s not even Earth sometimes.
Drive far enough west, and the trees vanish, the people vanish, and your will to live packs up and leaves, too.
It’s gorgeous, but it ain’t Southern.
It’s atmospheric.
If Clint Eastwood filmed a sci-fi western on the moon… that’s West Texas.
South Texas: Not “the South”… But Definitely South of Everything
South Texas is incredible — culturally, historically, culinarily.
But Southern?
No.
This is Mexico sporting a Texas driver’s license.
Order sweet tea here and they say,
“Sweet what? Agua fresca? Jarrito? Pick one.”
This isn’t the South.
This is South-er.
The Panhandle: Oklahoma Wearing a Borrowed Cowboy Hat
Panhandle Texans swear they’re Southern, but they’re really more like honorary Midwesterners with windburn.
If your daily weather includes:
- Dust
- Tornadoes
- Dusty tornadoes
- Tornadoes thinking about becoming dust
…you’re not Southern.
The Metroplex: If You’re in One, You’re Not Southern (Sorry, Dallas–Fort Worth)
This includes the entire Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex — and any Texan living in a 16-lane puddle of suburban sprawl.
If your city has a toll road inside a toll road which loops around another toll road, you’re not Southern. You’re in an airport simulation.
Signs you live in the Metroplex and are absolutely not Southern:
- You’ve never seen a pine tree but you’ve seen 47 Targets in one mile.
- You refer to locations in “minutes away” instead of miles because traffic determines your distance.
- Your idea of “Southern charm” is a Chick-fil-A inside a gas station.
- Your entire social life happens inside a Costco, a high school football stadium, or a Cheddar’s that seats 900.
DFW isn’t the South.
DFW is North Houston with better Wi-Fi and more cul-de-sacs.
Houston: The City Formerly Known as Houston (Now Known as West Atlanta)
Houston gets its own section because it deserves it.
Houston is West Atlanta.
Tell me I’m wrong:
- Traffic? Atlanta.
- Humidity? Atlanta++.
- Highways that look like a bowl of spilled spaghetti? Atlanta with extra seasoning.
- A population made entirely of transplants who all think they discovered Whataburger? Atlanta with cowboy cosplay.
Houston isn’t Southern.
It’s not Western.
It’s not Texan.
Houston is what happens when Atlanta and Miami have a baby and raise it in a refinery.
So What Parts of Texas Are Actually Southern?
Here’s the official breakdown:
Southern Texas includes:
- East Texas
- Pine trees
- Sweet tea offered by default
- Small towns with both a Dollar General and a Tractor Supply
- Places where “fixin’ to” still means something
Not Southern Texas includes:
- The Metroplex
- West Atlanta (formerly Houston)
- Austin
- Anything with mountains
- Anything with desert
- Anything with more tech jobs than tractors
- Any place where ordering grits gets you quinoa
Final Thought: Texas Isn’t “the South”—Texas Is a Personality Test
At the end of the day:
Texas isn’t one culture. It’s four different identities arguing under a single flag.
Some parts are deeply Southern.
Some parts are deeply not.
Some parts are Mexico.
Some parts are low-budget Mars.
And some parts — looking at you, Metroplex — are suburban witness protection programs.
Either way: Texas is Texas.
And that’s why it works.