To be fair, yesterday I ripped Texas a new one on its southernness. So, I had to return the favor to my home state.
Alabama is known for being deeply, undeniably Southern.
We baptize everything in sweet tea.
Half our conversations happen on porches, and the other half in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot.
And our grandmas can cure any ailment using only Crisco, prayer, and a cast-iron skillet that predates electricity.
But… not every part of Alabama is equally Southern.
Some places are Southern by geography but not by vibe.
Some places are “Southern if you squint.”
And a few spots?
Well… they got a little too close to rockets, tourists, or college kids.
So here it is:
The Definitive Guide to the Least Southern Parts of Alabama
1. Huntsville — Where Even the Space Rockets Have a LinkedIn Profile
Huntsville is incredible.
It’s innovative.
It’s smart.
It’s full of rocket engineers who can’t assemble a proper plate of BBQ because they’re too busy calculating wind resistance. (Per capita, the largest concentration of rocket scientists in the world)
Huntsville isn’t “unsouthern.”
It’s “Southern, but with job security and extra STEM.”
If your town has more aerospace engineers than Waffle Houses, it loses a little Southern flavor.
That’s just science.
In real Southern towns, people name their kids after grandparents.
In Huntsville, people name their kids after Star Trek captains.
2. Madison — Huntsville Junior (Same Personality, Smaller Portion Size)
Madison is Huntsville’s HOA-run little brother.
If your mailbox color has to be “approved,” you’re not in the South.
If your grass height must match the median neighborhood grass height (verified by laser, probably), you’re not in the South.
Madison isn’t Southern.
It’s not Atlanta.
It’s not Nashville.
It’s not even trying to be anything else.
It’s just Huntsville Jr.
Same energy.
Same people.
Same schools.
Just… the “youth pastor haircut” version.
Madison is Southern enough to own a porch swing, but not Southern enough to actually sit on it.
3. Auburn — Southern Only Because of Football Season
Auburn has two modes:
Football Season Auburn:
Southern as buttered biscuits.
Orange and blue everywhere.
People tailgate like they’re reenacting a Civil War reenactment—just with more dip.
Off-Season Auburn:
The scooters come out.
Kombucha appears in grocery stores.
Professors who pronounce “pecan” like “pee-CAN.”
Auburn isn’t un-Southern. It’s seasonal.
Like pumpkins.
4. Tuscaloosa — The Opposite: Football Makes It LESS Southern
Tuscaloosa is naturally Southern.
REAL Southern.
But the minute Alabama football season starts?
Boom.
Every Yankee bandwagon fan from Ohio, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and half of Michigan shows up wearing a houndstooth hat they bought at Publix, and dont get me started on those folks from Florida, you got SEC Football there too, I can’t help it they suck!
Tuscaloosa transforms into:
- Boston
- Detroit
- Pittsburgh
- Every SEC wannabe
- And that one guy who yells “ROLL TIDE!” in a New York accent
Tuscaloosa is Southern…
except during football season, when it becomes an Ellis Island reunion wearing crimson and houndstooth.
5. Orange Beach / Gulf Shores — Florida Lite (We All Know It)
Everyone loves Gulf Shores.
Everyone loves Orange Beach.
But once you go south of Foley, Alabama slowly dissolves and turns into Panama City with a slightly cleaner beach.
Tourists everywhere.
Frozen drinks at every restaurant.
Signs in the Walmart that say “SOUVENIRS THIS WAY.”
It’s not that it isn’t Southern — it’s that it’s too busy selling hermit crab starter kits to remember.
6. Birmingham — No, Seriously, Birmingham IS Southern
Some people claim Birmingham isn’t Southern.
Those people have never been downtown at 7:00 PM and noticed:
The sidewalks rolled up like a carpet, traffic completely vanished, BBQ smoke drifting through every intersection, and the restaurants run by a grandmother who says,
“Baby, you look hungry. Sit. I’ll fix you a plate.”
Birmingham is aggressively Southern.
Then there is the part of Birmingham where you can see Vulcan’s backside. The “moon over Homewood.”
This is where $14 cups of coffee and $3 million houses pretend they don’t live in Alabama.
The Southern accent here isn’t gone — it’s gentrified.
It’s an accent that says:
“I drive a Range Rover but my grandmother still makes real cornbread, I swear.”
These sections are Southern only during charity barbecue events.
7. Decatur — The North Alabama Identity Crisis
Decatur is a lovable mystery.
Some days it’s Southern.
Some days it’s Midwest.
Some days it’s Huntsville’s overflow parking lot.
Decatur speaks Southern but dreams of being a cargo distribution hub.
It’s the town that says, “Y’all” with a question mark.
8. Montgomery — Southern… Until You Step Into a Government Building
Montgomery itself is Southern.
The history.
The culture.
The people.
But the SECOND you step into any government office?
The Southern evaporates like water on hot pavement.
Nobody smiles.
Nobody blesses your heart.
Nobody offers sweet tea.
Montgomery is Southern everywhere except anywhere with fluorescent lights.
Final Thoughts: Alabama Is Southern — But Some Parts Are “Southern-Inspired”
Most of Alabama is pure, deep-fried, porch-sittin’, front-pew Southern.
But the rest?
- Rocket science
- Suburban copy-pasting
- SEC football chaos
- Tourist beaches
- Bureaucracy
- And college kids riding scooters
And honestly?
That variety is what makes Alabama awesome.
Because at the end of the day:
Being Southern isn’t just about geography.
It’s about flavor.
And some places… use less seasoning.